


Magic Makes Me Go Mad

by undernightlight



Series: Gays in Space [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Culmets - Freeform, Episode: s01e07 Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad, M/M, Oops, Sad times, SpaceBoos, breakdown - Freeform, little sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 14:56:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: He was to watch it over and over and over. Why?





	Magic Makes Me Go Mad

**Author's Note:**

> Not perfectly written, but for a friend. I promised this a little while back, and, after being reminded yesterday, I finished.

The first time wasn’t really that hard. They were walking and laughing and talking, and they bumped into Michael and Ash, who were leaving the party, going somewhere he deduced. He was happy to see them. Michael apologies for knocking into him, he said it didn’t matter and that why should she apologise for a random act of chance. Her and Tyler left, and he and his partner continued on their way.

He practically clung to Hugh as they walked, latching on to his arm and Hugh tried desperately to restore some normality in him. His new implants were slightly itchy, but he didn’t mind. Hugh made these for him, and how lucky he was to have such a dear doctor at his side.

The ship’s lights dimmed and tinted red. Red alert, intruder on ship, on their ship, on their desk, the deck they were on. And then they saw the intruded, heading straight for them, and he fired, striking Hugh in the chest, and he fell to the floor ungracefully with a thud.

It wasn’t that hard to deal with, because he was dead within the second following. He felt the burn in his chest, not from the blaster, but from falling to the floor and seeing his love lying dead next to him.

And then he was in the corridor again, walking with Hugh by his side. He shook it off, nightmare daydreaming, and they were walking and laughing and talking, and they bumped into Michael and Ash, who were leaving the party, going somewhere. It was all too familiar to him, so as Michael tried to apologise, he took Hugh by the arm and dragged him in the direction they just came. He could hear Hugh saying sorry on his behalf, and when they’d travelled a little past where they’d came from, he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Paul, are you okay?” Hugh asked him, stopping them in the middle of the hallway.

“Just a...bad feeling, I guess.”

Hugh was skeptical, which was fair, but he let it slide, and he let him walk. But the red alert came again, and he could feel himself tense up. Hugh could feel him tense too.

“Paul?”

“This way.” They switch directions at the next junction. He doesn’t have a destination in mind, just move in the opposite direction. And that buys them time….for a while. But they turn a corner and that figure is there again, and he fired again and he hit again. Hugh fell, but he caught him this time, stopping him from hitting the floor with a heavy sound. Instead, it’s his legs that hit the ship’s metal heavy, his knees aching but nothing compared to his chest as he looks at Hugh, dead in his arms. The man walked past him, as if to leave them there, but it seemed he changed his mind.

“So very sorry for you loss,” the figure said, before shooting him in the head.

And he was in the hallway again. With Hugh. And Hugh was talking, but he knew something was wrong, something wasn’t right. This wasn’t just a random case of deja vu. Something was very wrong. He told Hugh to go to their room, and the doctor started to protest, but he was very insistent. Hugh eventually listened and went home.

He starting running through the ship, and he found Michael and Ash getting into the elevator.

“Hold!” He shouted out as the doors began to close. They held the doors and he slipped between, not stood between them. Oh… _oh_ , he thought, as he could feel their eyes on him. He interrupted something, but he can live with that, if he finds out what the hell’s going on. “Thanks. You headed to the bridge?” He had a suspension.

“Yes Lieutenant,” Michael responded. They went up the bridge in silence. Well...okay. But they got there, alive, and that’s good. 

“Lieutenant?” Lorca asked when he saw him. He just nodded in response, and Lorca didn’t seem to care. A space whale. Gormagander. Injured. They beam it into a cargo hold. He follows down Burnham, and she asked if he was okay and he nodded, gave a smile as best he could. The gormagander was beautiful. The figure appeared and started shooting. He managed to avoid the line of fire, and he hid with Burnham while she signaled to the bridge. Red alert. He tried to bolt for the door, but was shot before he could.

He was in the corridor again. This went on in various way. Either with or without Hugh. He spent the first….fifteen? twenty? twenty five? cycles just trying to save Hugh. Hugh wouldn’t leave him. He could see the concern and worry and pain in his eyes, which only grew after every failed attempt. He realised that this would end at some point, so if he could save Hugh, then it might end when he was safe. He hoped it wouldn’t end when he wasn’t.

He didn’t know how many times he had tried and how many times he had failed, but he broke. He was in the corridor, with Hugh, but he never started walking. He just stood there. Hugh called out his name but he didn’t respond, in a daze. And he just stood there. He had a gut feeling this wouldn’t be over for a while. He hugged Hugh, light and his mind absent, and kissed him on the cheek.

“Please, just go to work. We’ll talk later,” and he turned and walked away. He wandered a little, but went back to his quarters and locked the door, just in case Hugh didn’t listen to him. He sank, with his back against the door, to the floor, leaning into the corner, and he cried. He sobbed and hollered and shook. How many times must he watch Hugh die? He’d felt a lot of pain throughout his life, just like most people, and in this war, he’d lost people, friends and family, but nothing came close to having to watch the man he loved get shot, get stabbed, get beaten, and die in front of him. His body felt like it was burning. His head hurt like it’d been bashed against the wall. His heart hurt the most.

He cried that entire cycle. Thirty minutes. If the cycle had been an hour, he would’ve cried for an hour.

He was back in the corridor, and he had to clear his mind. He had to work, to stop this now. He had to do whatever he could do to save people, his friends, this family he’d made through hard work. Yes, he’d watch Hugh die, but not just Hugh. He’d seen him die the most, but he sometimes he got away alive after. He’d seen Cadet Tilly die too. That hurt a lot; she’s like a sister to him, and he made a mental note to make sure she knows she’s valued. He’d seen Michael die, Ash die, the Captain die. He couldn’t take much more of this, but he would be clever. He’d use this time to gather information, to learn more about this man, Harry Mudd, he was told. He’d save this crew, even if it was the last thing he did.

**Author's Note:**

> It means something to me, but not sure what exactly, but if you noticed, the only time Paul's name is mentioned is by Hugh, and his rank by other officers, but his name is never mentioned in the narrative. I did do it deliberately, and I made sure to do it, but I'm not sure why....something to do with internalised feelings and stuff, I'm not sure.


End file.
